So, I have finally come to the end of my Contemporary project and overall, I guess you could say I've failed this time around.
Due to not carrying on my routine, I have a different outcome to the one that I thought I was going to have- because of this my final outcomes from the project are images from my last two shoots.
However, I'm not entirely disappointed because I have achieved different things along my journey. Plus- I didn't ask to become ill!
I started this blog to record my records and reflections on how I feel about myself and my body, and will most likely carry on. I haven't done this to gain thousands of followers or page views; because to be quite frank I have done this for myself and only myself. I truly couldn't care less if people didn't care about what I was doing; because it's about making myself feel good, not others.
If you had of asked me two years ago if you think I'd be at the gym four times a week, lifting weights I most likely would have laughed.
Overall I'm okay with the outcome; I'm not over the moon about it because I was hoping to have had completely different images of myself to the ones that I started the project with, but this journey for me isn't over. Just yet.

I cancelled my gym membership the other day, however this is not the end.
I just figured that whilst I'm unwell, and have University deadlines going on there's no point in stressing out even more worrying about the gym.
I have decided that I will go back as soon as I break up for the summer (mid May), this way I'll be able to focus on gym and just gym.
My brother and Matt have been teasing me about quitting; saying that I'm using glandular fever as an excuse and to just shrug it off and carry on- However, if a doctor has advised me to stop until I feel better that is what I'll do. You can't buy health.
In the mean time, while I'm not attending- I need to watch what I'm eating. I haven't been eating as healthy as I was eating, so I don't want to put on weight when I've maintained my weight so well up to now.

It's been over a week since I last posted something!
Within that week, I completed my next shoot for this project.
I wanted to do something different to what I had done before; I wanted to explore into the deeper routed problem, and that is that I've never been happy with my body.
I've either always felt fat, or I've always felt ugly in some way. Within this shoot, you can see this.
I worked especially hard on my performance; my body language, my facial expressions and I believe I have achieved the truth within this series.
Here's a few of my favourites:

So yesterday, I rang up the Doctors to be told that one of my bloods came back abnormal, so I'd have to make another appointment to find out what was wrong.
Naturally, I was worried so I wanted an appointment as soon as and luckily I managed to get one!
So I went back in, and the Doctor basically thinks I could have Glandular fever. This was actually a relief, because I thought it was going to be something to do with my Iron levels; Anaemia.
Therefore, I have to go back Wednesday and have another blood test to confirm this diagnosis.
In all honesty though, I've been really fed up lately. With everything. I've been so tired lately because of this, and my work is getting neglected, gym is getting neglected.
Oh yeah, whilst on the topic of gym- I have also been advised to leave the gym until I'm fully recovered. Gutted to be honest. 

Sorry I never got back to yesterday, Matt came around and it just completely slipped my mind.
I had my bloods took; I was amazed at how little time it took for 2 syringes to be filled! I have been told to ring up today or tomorrow to find out the results, so I will try this afternoon.
I'm leaving in half an hour to hit gym, it's going to be weird only working on my arms and upper half once a week but in all honesty; I could do with the extra time for uni work.
Whilst on the subject of uni work, I have decided I am going to visit a gym with my camera and lighting equipment, to take portraits of people at the gym for my 'Identity' project. I think this could turn out to be an interesting topic, although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous!
I am also going to do a self-portrait shoot which will emphasize how I feel when I'm not attending the gym or cutting down, and the effects it has on me as a person.
I have so much work to do, but all I can think about is the Easter Holidays...

I'm leaving in five to get my bloods taken! Then I'm going gym.
I'm not going to over do it, but at least I can say I've been and deep down I know I've worked out.
I have decided I will go tomorrow and Friday too, but as of next week it's going to be three days a week.
I think it's for the best, and it will give my muscles more time to repair, instead of going day after day.
I will let you know how all goes later.

I'm feeling a bit crap again lately; I'm always tired and I'm getting a lot of headaches. So unfortunately, I'll be missing today's leg session, because I'll be at the doctors instead to find out what's going on.
However, I may do some light exercises at home; depends how I'm feeling...
7.19pm- So, I attended the docs at 3pm today, and I have to have my bloods tested tomorrow morning at 11.40am. They said I'll hopefully get the results back Thurs/Fri, I just want to know that I'm okay.
The doctor did advise me to maybe cut down the days I attend the gym; so instead of going 4 times per week, cut down to 3 instead. I think maybe he is right; I need a one day break in between, so instead of going Tues, Wed, Thurs and Fri, I'll go Mon, Wed and Fri.
I felt really guilty today for not going, and I'm most likely going to feel guilty when I cut it down... This is something I'm going to have to face; because I value my health more.